


Talk Dirty to Me (please stop)

by lellabeth



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint is an A± boyfriend, Dirty Talk, M/M, Phil fails at dirty talk, author is the shippiest shipper to have ever shipped, author may have just written a Harlequin sex scene by accident, gratuitous cake references, phlint 5ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-25 00:50:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3790453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lellabeth/pseuds/lellabeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint asks Phil to talk dirty to him. It might be the worst choice he's ever made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk Dirty to Me (please stop)

**Author's Note:**

> I fic'd my own headcanon *sits in circle of shame*

Clint guessed he'd made a disastrous mistake right about the time Phil told him to "eat my ass like it's one of those cakes you like, with the frosting. Like it's a muffin bottom, kind of burned around the edges."

Clint just bit his lips to keep the laugh in and ran his fingers through the sparse hair on Phil's chest.

"We should rename my ass 'cake'. You can go around saying 'let them eat cake!' like a Marie Antoinette rip off, and I'll be the only one who knows you really mean ass. My ass. It's baked just right for you."

Clint fisted one hand around Phil's dick, hoping that'd cut off any further attempts to speak.

He was wrong.

"Oh, Clint, fuck," Phil said, all breathy, and _this_ was exactly the kind of dirty talk Clint could get behind. Until it was followed by, "Mmm, I want to make a plaster cast of your hand so I can keep it on my dick forever."

Clint moved his arm faster.

"Oh, yeah, wring that cum out of me. Touch my balls, too, they're so... squishy for you."

Clint did.

They really were kind of... squishy.

"Palpate them."

Palpate was the kind of work you learned in ninth grade biology, and Clint hadn't got past fifth. So he just sort of poked around a little and hoped he was doing it right.

"Your fingers are like rods. Flesh rods. Of pleasure." Phil's thighs shook. "Want your  flesh rod inside me."

Clint's stomach hurt with how hard he was trying not to let the giggles in his throat burst out of his mouth. He twisted his wrist and watched as Phil's cum splattered his belly, the man thankfully silent as he worked through his orgasm.

Or so Clint had hoped. "You got me all soiled now," Phil said, and then he did something that might have been a wink or a stroke symptom. It was hard to decipher between the two when Phil's eye twitched like that.

His mouth was on Clint's dick seconds later, though, so Clint guessed the wink was right.

Phil moaned around Clint's erection, all throaty and growling, except his voice wasn't low enough so it sounded like a half-yodel, half-gargle. Clint just buried his hand in Phil's soft hair and tried to block out any sound. Phil told him his dick was a lollipop, a stick of cotton candy that Phil couldn't wait to feel melt on his tongue and stick to his teeth.

Clint ignored it so well that he was right on the verge of coming, and then Phil's tongue worked its way across the head of his dick and he was lost, mindless of Phil's high-pitched "give it to me, big boy!"

It was only as he was coming down that he finally broke. Phil licked his lips and puckered them before he spoke, low and secret. "Your dick is like a strawberry, all red and sweet and seedy. I love your seeds." He licked his lips again.

Clint didn't mean to, he really didn't. But Phil was doing this face like a suffocating fish and Clint just couldn't take it any more. He dropped to his knees and laughed until his chest was aching. He grasped Phil's hand in his even as he giggled so much that his eyes dampened with tears and he didn't breathe for a whole thirty seconds.

"You said you wouldn't laugh!" Phil said, pouting. His ears were burning pink.

"Babe, I love you, seriously. But if you ever, _ever_ , try to talk dirty again, I think my dick will shrivel inside my own body out of protest."

Phil bit his lip. "I wanted to see how stupid I could get before you caught on."

Clint reared back, catching the glimmer in Phil's eyes. "Wait, you played me?"

"You think I'd ever sully the name of cotton candy like that if I were being serious?"

Clint laughed again, and this time it was better, because this time Phil joined in. They giggled quietly for a while before resting their foreheads together.

"I love you, even if you are gullible as all hell," Phil said, grinning.

"I love you, even if you are the biggest dork I've ever met."

"Ah, no," Phil corrected, his hand squeezing Clint's. "You love me _because_ I'm the biggest dork you've ever met."

Clint didn't say anything. He didn't need to.

They both knew Phil was right.


End file.
